I am alive

I have been busy lately with the whole "life" thing. Trying hard to pry myself away from being online na doing semi-more productive things. Life, socializing. I don't know if this is a good idea. I enjoy being around people, but there's such bullsh*t to deal with. People lie. People talk. They talk about other people, their friends. But no, they aren't their friends when they aren't around. But when they are around, they are treated in a very civil, loving way. My "friends" I have only met 2 weeks ago have proven to not be the people I thought thwy were, it's very disappointing. Then I realized, not only are thye a bitch to me sometimes, but they are just downright evil to eachother. They bash eachother daily, but when they see them in person, everything is peachy. It is so stupid! That's just reality though-I can deal. Every single of these people I have been spending my time with has something horrible to say about everyone else. I keep hearing individual people say shit about their "bestfriends", then turning around to see that same person acting buddy-buddy with them. Oh well, not my problem, just yet. People talk. People are not sincere.

One situation I am currently in goes something like this. This guy, let's call him Andrew, I heard about him a lot, my "friends" would talk crap about him all the time. Then we saw him one day, walking to our vehicle in a mall parking lot. Then..."Oh, Hey Andrew!!!" Well that's confusing. Then they turn around to say he's their bestfriend, just fun to pick on. They convince me he really is a good guy. I begin to hang out with him, more than them actually, almost as a couple, but it's too soon for that anyway. Then, that's when they turn around and starting bashing him once again. Is it jealousy? I don't know, but it's really stupid. People are immature, I hate it. So, now that Andrew and I are developing a good friendship, they don't want to talk to me for the meantime, because of him. Although, a few hours after bashing me online about 3 days ago, guess who my "group" or "friends" hangs out with that night? Yeah, Andrew. What the hell? I get shunned for hanging out with him, then they go and hang out with him?

Hmm. Odd. Stupid. Immature. Life.

Who Am I?

Who am I? What a question. Well, you know what? I am me! I'm sick of picking apart my personality. I think I was only doing that because I quite literally ad nothing better to do. Part of being the age I am is having a social life. And I have lacked this life for quite a while! This past week has been amazing. I have met some awesome people, and I truly hope to stay friends with them as long as possible. That really is who I am: The social butterfly, or whatever. I've spent enough time alone in the past 2 years or so. I "blame" this on being in a relationship, only partially. But, my social-ness did seem to die when I got "tied down". I focused my attention on a single being way too much, and that single being wasn't even me! I used to be so many things, mostly good things...I was fun, happy and fearless. But, I didn't always think things through. Now I feel as I can go back to being that me and also have newly learned lessons and information. So, basically, I am where I want to be.

Who am I? What am I? What do I want? Why are these questions important. A person should just be. And I am just being, and it feels amazing. Being around people puts me in such a happy place, a place that is much better than being alone and depressed, worrying about non-relative things. Life is hard sometimes, and I do have some big decisions to make very soon, but during this journey of figuring things out, having people around me is the best thing there is, so it seems. Fun should be had!

So, basically, I think things will be okay. I am entering a state of happiness and feeling okay with my life. I've been through a lot in the past few years, and maybe, just maybe, Karma is catching up and allowing me to go on with the lack of fear or depression.