The Moment Of Aguish

Understanding the morally wrong aspects, yet choosing to go against them. All which was once obeyed suddenly vanishing never to be heard of again. The mere thought that one would ever choose to rebel and without hesitation, attempt what was once thought of to be unaccepted. The cares slip away, as with everything else that was once important. The very moment of attempt, the heart races as it it slowly dies. Fear takes its toll as with sincere remorse. And after all the contemplation, the moment is the most amazing thing ever experienced. Forgetting about what our future holds, and just the very fact of a future; amazing. Sitting surrounded by candles, incense and too much noise, contemplating existance only to realize it's a waste of time. Wanting, craving exciement, in a way that has already been written. A goal to achieve; a game. This is the moment we all live for, the euphoric, life-chaning, never to be forgotten moment. Just one. Just the thought hits you like a thousand shards of diamond. This feeling of pain and regret somehow urges you to push fourth.

Wanting, craving, wishing, thinking about it every moment like a fucking drug. The sickening feeling that approaches simply because you never thought it would actually come to this. Pathetic, you think, morally speaking. Yet on the surface it is all the is truly wanted since everything has turned to shit. Or has it? Maybe, just maybe, it is an illusion, a test, an exam my God has given. A blip, that is all. Possibly something more will come of it, a better day, month, year, a lifetime of euphoria. Meant to be? The feeling, that is, not the situation. Oh, to know, if only. The more thought it's given, the more pathetic it sounds. Shove a gag in the throat of thought, live life to the fullest and never ask again. The simplicity, the bore, they all experience, or must.

To feel something you once held so tightly, slip away gently, so gently, it barely even hurts anyone. The remembering of the thirst, the weakness, would bring about a tear, if being incredibly numb was not a factor. Remembering the experience of helplessness, sorrow, wishing to achieve it once again, even right now.

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Silence, that is all. To be in lust with this phenomena. Something so simple, yet nearly impossible to achieve. To care for all, whilst nothing in return is hardly ever given. Wanting so badly to give up, yet scared of the karma.