The Downward Spiral

It all started with "So, are you not sleeping with me tonight, again?"
And from there it was all downhill. Emotions drained along with tears of sincerity and greater realizations. I thought I knew what I wanted, but it wasn't until I had a small taste of what I was in for that I discovered how empty I would be. We both knew and could agree it was coming to this, but we agreed that we would both make attempts to make everything work out. We don't always get along, we won't converse for almost days, we won't hug, we won't kiss, we will hate each other. But that is all we have; each other. And we still love each other for some unknown reason, and so, we bare through each day, as hard as they sometimes are.

After the third or fourth time he walked away in anger or sadness (I'm not sure which) I couldn't stand it anymore, I couldn't chase him, I couldn't ask questions. And when I did all I got was "none of your business." Those words hurt me more than you could imagine. A punch in the face would have hurt me less. After he stormed off to a bedroom, closing the door behind him as I made an attempt to follow him, I slowly, almost in a trance, went to the second bedroom, closed the door behind me and I cried for the first time in months. Alone, detached, depressed, silent. As I sat on by bed, I then realized I am never putting myself in this situation again. I know that's a lie, but I was focusing on it very much, trying to engrave it in my brain to never be overtaken by emotion again, because it is more than likely to just fall down again.