Hello February

So, it is February 3rd, 2009. Which means; I have been 18 for a month, the year is 1/12th done, Maia will be a year old in a month, and second semester has begun. My thoughts are as followed. Being 18: I don't feel it, perhaps because I am in high school, and so I am forced to be among younger people. When I look in a mirror, all I see is my same, 15ish-year old me, hardly changed. I also do not feel as though people perceive me as being 18. Perhaps this is because when I was younger, the 18 year old's I knew, first of all, were years older than me, and simply seemed older! I don't feel like that! And no, people whom are 20ish are actually part of my age group, which feels awkward, I was always used to hanging out with people an age group higher than me, but now it's normal!

2009 is officially 1/12h complete! I was, and still am hoping this year will be something to write about, and so far, not much has happened! Maia will be a year old March 9th. This is exciting, but makes me feel old. The end.

School; school is good, quite good. I don't mind it at all. I have good classes and I actually now feel comfortable in my own skin, despite the fact of not knowing many people in any of my classes. In the past few months, depression of some sort was consuming me. I have either beat it, accepted it, or just sank into an even deeper state in which I don't feel any sorts of depression. Either way, good things. I find once you get depressed for a little bit, maybe a week, you almost become addicted to feeling that way, and force yourself to be isolated, and force yourself to sink down as deep as you can go. It's human behavior, and not many people realize they are doing it. I've realized I should never rely on people, or a person to make me happy, which is amazing and is helping me a lot. I can be perfectly happy on my own! I don't know if everyone can, but I can, and so, why should I not? I enjoy socializing, and I have came to such terms with my peers that it's common for me to ignore everyone. That's just me now. I was caught up with socializing for a couple months, but I'm back to where I started. The socializing thing-with new people- is just awkward. They don't know me, and it takes months, maybe years to get to know e and to have a true connection.

I like being me. Not all the time, like anyone, but for the most part. You must love yourself before anyone else. I didn't realize this before! Too many people bring themselves down and let little things depress them and force them into isolation. Well, not me, I'm sick of that. I have my days, or even weeks, but it is not a lifestyle.