And They Continue..

I must remind you, this blog of mine is simply to satisfy my need to regulate my thoughts. These are not necessarily even remotely interesting thoughts, more like things that bother me day to day.

Today, as I write this, Tuesday morning in my school cafeteria at 8:08 Am, I wonder why the supposed "caretakers" of my daughters daycare must be so incredibly rude. Thy ruined my morning, just as they do almost every other one. I wish I didn't have to leave my daughter at the daycare 5 days a week. But I don't have any other options, I NEED to go school. They complain that she is "fussy", but of course she is going to be fussy if they leave her crying on the floor. What a paradox. I don't understand that these women (whom are mostly incredibly obese) are "trained professionals" still do not understand my parenting style and my daughters individual, unique needs. And this is why I check up on them every hour or so. They should be shut down. I strongly dislike them.

As I walk trough the halls of my high school, I can't help but wonder what people do to make friends. I can no longer do it. Back when I was a grade 9 and was regularly consuming drugs [I don't consume pychoactives anymore] it was very easy for me to make friends. Or were they friends? That seems like more of a question that deserves examination. Those few years ago were completely different from now. I attended the same school, but it had a completely different feel. Every person I walked by throughout the day, I knew. Now, I no not a single person. Maybe its just me. I must admit, I do seem anti-social. Anyone could tell you that. I almost try not to be known. I don't think I completely realize or accept it, but I'm starting to to think thats what my problem is. I instantly create a barrier upon meeting someone that blocks them from getting to know the true me. I do this automatically and there is no off switch. I was never like this before. Although, when I think about it, maybe I was? I really don't remember. I've through such a transition in my life that I barely remember who I was. Maybe that's just a teenager thing, maybe not. And that brings up the famous question: Am I normal? I'm not going to get into that because, well, it is quite blatant I am not.

Throughout my life I have been so many different people, I nearly forget who I am.