This feeling of being alone, completely detached, it excites me. I look forward to it, it's pathetic yet I love it. I was sitting very recently. Waiting for a bus, completely alone. I had music deafening me in the most euphoric way, accompanied by the distinct scents of Autumn. I could have walked home and back by the time the bus came. I chose not to. I contemplated if I was being selfish by not going home right away, taking my time to be free. Then I slowly began to not care anymore. I needed "me time". I was only gone for a small amount of time, but the results that came about were shattering. I wonder if this is premature enlightenment, but I don't think I'll ever know. The silence, the openness of being alone, sitting completely supported, muscles relaxed, mind empty of the useless thoughts that normally fill it. The ice cold air hits me like millions of shards of glass, but it is the most comfortable feeling I have experienced in quite some time. This is the feeling I have longed for, the feeling I have dreamed about. Who would have thought that such a simple situation would be a desire of a 17 year old girl. How pitiful. This feeling I experienced; I wish it would last forever. The 10 minutes it lasted felt like nearly a lifetime, but that wasn't long enough.
The detachment from the world is something I have always felt. The feeling of being almost better than everyone else, or the minority. I don't know, still. If I were to determine why I am so detached from this planet called Earth, I would complete, which is a feeling I never want to feel. To have the question of "why" answered is completely pointless. I do not want to ever experience the understanding of why, this would rob my life of all meaning. I need to search for something, not with intent to find it, simply for self amusement, a task, not for an answer. Do I really want to reach enlightenment? Then what? What does one do after they have reached this stage. I have yet to do it, so I don't really know, and the more I think of it, the less I want to be in the situation of being ego-less. I need a mission in life, I'm still not sure what mine is, and thus, my mission is finding out what it is.
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2 years ago
1 comment:
Enlightenment has become such a worshiped state. Like somehow it is seperate from the conscious mind. The fact is, enlightenment really just signifies being aware. We are all enlightened, or at the very least have the option. We just need to be aware of it- it all leads back to awareness.
But, it's easier to shut off. It's easier to disregard awareness and be absorbed in something easier to swallow.
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