Continued:

During this year and a bit of excitement, I had gone under many changes. I wondered who I was, and who I was meant to be. I battled with the nearly inevitable teenage depression, how ironic. Okay, I don't even want to elaborate on this our of fear of sounding like a bitchy, whiny teenager.

So, let's elaborate on my psychoactive addiction.

I stopped. Cold. I didn't even think about it, there was no time to. If I did not stop, I would have just killed myself anyways. Like the time I overdosed. I was in the hospital for about a week. That is one week of my life I would love to throw away and redo. I didn't even know who I was during my drug days. When I stopped, I became so preoccupied with trying to find out who I was that I did not leave my house...or bedroom to be exact. I would do just this, write and write and write. Try to justify my reason for existence. I did this of course through a blog, once again throwing my life and thoughts onto a stage for public viewing. I thought that maybe somebody would read them and help me get our of my head. I think that was always my problem. I was trapped inside myself. I could never escape. I would try, and make it seem as though I was fine, like I had reached enlightenment. And that is what they all thought.

To stop consuming drugs so suddenly (not just illegal, prescribed as well) completely agitates your thinking patterns and body in general. Of course, these may just be my problems. Trapped in my own brain, confined by my own thoughts. The question of: Am I sane? Always seems to pop up. It is completely unavoidable. I'm sure nearly everybody has gone through this at some point or another, I think it is a normal question to ask oneself. But of course, there are so many slaves that they barely have the ability to ask themselves such a question. They don't ask any questions, they are so damn controlled. I almost wish I was one of them. Just sit in front of a television and let the "information" consume me. Become a slave. I wonder if they understand what they have become. I doubt this.

Our brains have this strange ability. We don't see with our eyes, we see with our brain. If you have ever studies quantum physics, you will learn that everything has a wavelength that is measurable. Even thoughts. This being said, you create your surroundings, good or bad. If you believe you are crazy, you will be. If you consider the fact that you have X disease, you can likely show signs if it without actually physically having it. This is what I did. I heard of a friend being diagnosed with a drug induced mental disorder, and so I wondered, well, if he can develop this, that logically, this means I can too. And so I considered this. Every waking moment. I did not sleep. Oh insomnia. I ceased to mention my battle with this disease. Well, this kept me up later. In fact for about a year, I slept every second night. This was normal for me. I only slept for a few hours every second night. When you have insomnia, as David Fincher puts it, your never really awake and your never really asleep. I can vouche for this.

To be continued.