The Eden Awaits Pt. 2

One day, like any other day, turns into the day that has been anticipated. She finally enters the Eden. She longed for this day, wished and dreamed about it since the desire first made its mark. Morals were tossed, cares were thrown away and replaced with a craving for a perfect moment.
"Fuck the future, I want this".
It was suppose to be the most amazing, euphoric experience of her lifetime. It was suppose to be an epic event that it would change her. The feelings leading up to the moment were almost better than the moment itself.
It happened. Then it was over. Hearts didn't race. Regret did not make an appearance. No thoughts were produced. In the moment, she felt the euphoria, but all good things end. When they end, they normally come crashing down to a sudden, depressing halt. They did.

Once again, her comfort level somehow managed to diminish even more so. Being alive is strange, it feels inhuman. All forms of faith this girl once had were forced out her soul. There was not much faith to begin with, but she tried. People around her continually force her to lose hope and any forms of faith. What happens when a person loses all faith? Then what? She only wished she could get it back. Feel the need to one day love again, let people into her life, let herself come out of hiding.

She escaped her Alternate Universe she felt trapped in, she had a taste of her Eden. She liked it, enjoyed it for what it was. Then Karma decided to complicate everything even more and trap her in the alternate universe for a longer sentence than originally planned. All good things end, and she never wanted to accept that fact.

"The feeling is indescribable. It should be depressing, a feeling of utter loss of love. But this very feeling itself has been accepted long ago, this very moment is simply proof that everything is over".

She walks around, wondering what is left.
How do other people continue once all is dead?
What do they tell themselves?
For some unknown, blatantly, downright STUPID reason, she remains in her prison. She has no where to go, but could create a life out of nothing if she cared. But the cares don't exist. Last time she visited the Eden, she discovered how great things could be, and how tragically they end. To start over new, sounds beautiful in her mind. Yet, on paper it seems sketchy. Out loud it sounds impossible.

The isolation, she loves it sometimes, but is torn, she sometimes just wants to go back to whom she once was: Carefree, happy, and a positive outlook on life. But, that was outside, her public self. She still cried every nigh. She still inflicted as much pain on herself as possible. She still wanted something else. Years later and nothing changed. The ambivalence becomes overwhelming. "why" becomes the only singular thought that she is able to produce.

Visiting the Eden could be classified as a positive or negative experience. Only after she visited the Eden did she hit rock bottom. If she didn't visit the Eden, she would be trapped in "whys". The Eden changed a lot, good and bad. Mostly bad, but bad leads to good, eventually.

"Is anybody wasting tears on loneliness that everyone becomes?"