Friendship Is Rare

Today is Monday. I was baby-free all weekend, which was a nice break. I accomplished a few things I had been meaning to do: Painted my bellycast, re-dyed my hair, gave myself a new piercing, cleaned, had a couple long hot showers, and most importantly, slept a LOT. I really needed this break-I am very thankful for it. The downside is that I realized how lacking my social life is and no matter how hard I try, there's just no one there for me to spend time with, at least not how it used to be.

On a deeper note, I always wondered why so many, if not all, people I know always lost someone close to them, family or friend, to death. I still don't personally know anyone who has died. Then I realize, my friends die all the time. They don't physically diminish, but they escape my life somehow, it always happens. Either they move away, I move away, or one of us goes through a phase where one doesn't want to socialize with anyone and feel really down about everything. I;m kind of in the 'feeling down about everything" stage right now, but it's not really affecting my ability to socialize. I don't what it is. So many people have friends, in fact, most people do. I have friends, kind of. But the friendships are not what they used to be. In "the old days " me and about 3+ of my best friends would stay up all night (Fine, sometimes drugs were involved) and we would talk non-stop for hours. By the way, when I say talk, I don't mean discussing media-based garbage like the newest movies, videogames, or the latest youtube chanel craze. We didn't care about that shit. We had actual, in depth conversations! One's where in order to take part, you probably would have to have read a book or two! I see people I know, and watch them interact with eachother, and as bored as I think they are (because I would be), they're having a great time!

Perhaps I just need to loosen up, and stop being the damned stubborn and serious Capricorn I am, and take things for what they are. I don't know, I do find that I am a very serious person, and I always have been. But, in past years, people used to think I was smart and mature, and now I'm just labeled lame because I'm not hyper and up to speed on media bullshit. Either way, I feel lame. I don't fit it. I used to! I used to be the center of attention all the time! I had hundreds of "friends" and I was happy.

Blah, I've just had some really crappy past few weeks. I'll get over this. I'll be super happy again, I just need time, or to meet some new people.